|
'How to live on 60 bullets a day'
 Due
to the dangers of travels in this modern age - high prices at loser
tourist traps, carelessly prepared foodstuffs and average potentials of
screaming babies all over the place, AA and I have found the ultimate
getaways for the luckless and clueless amongst us all. Damn those
trend-setting and unwashed hairdos of generations less discerning, we
found that the the only way to not risk embarrassment and injury laughing
at the more fashionable around town was to mingle unseen and without
having to look at them.
...
After consulting the coinless pink-pig moneybox and a
realization of a vacation fading fast, we found that the best things in
life were free or bought for an initial outlay of little dollars without
the need to reinvest hourly in order to maintain our dignity.
Passing through ET:QW way
Virtually anything is possible - so we have enlisted in the efforts of
an alien race infesting the planet Earth without having to take the
trouble to travel untold miles or do push-ups to show our determination
or dedication to 'the cause' like the U.N, Greenpeace advocates or 'Red
Cross' peacekeepers across the globe, bless their little 'non-chlorine
bleached' cotton socks.
No,
in our keeping true to our own values, we are engaged in an endless war
with other like minds in the battle for (or against) the freedom of
Earth.
Some adjustments need be done but after consideration - the
manners of the heavily ambitioned in the workplace, the environmental
degradation, the prices of foodstuffs, the media barrages regarding the
"subprime housing scandal/
non-lending bankers/
TOXIC DEBT/
GLOBAL FINANCIAL
CRISIS/
MELTDOWN/
recession/
end of capitalism as we know
it/
market opportunity"
... these are not that hard.
a) We assume that, as everyone on the internet lies and uses false
identities to accomplish said lying, thus the enemies we fight on-line
are... reprehensible politicians, boring rich celebrities, gormless
offspring of the idle rich and hated co-workers from the office.
b) As far as the real world is concerned, real dictators when defeated
are replaced by capitalist dictatorships posing as 'Democracies'. We
understand that the winners of one round may be victorious ...but only
for 15-20 seconds (as the rewards are flashed on the screen) and then we
go fight again. No lies to be repelled by, no fake trustworthiness
generations of "well-meaning pollies" and their administrations. No...
just back in to it for no reason but the skill-honing.
c) Our clothes and hair do not get mussed up at all, neither do we
require water-purifying tablets/food inspectings, Visa stamping
officialdoms/friendly smilings at grudging Tourist-trap bastards nor
acquiring knowledge of local dialects or customs alien to sane and
rational humans. We just shoot or throw grenades at some gratuitous
target and avoid being run over by our own team members.
Visit modern downtown New Jersey, see industrial marvels in Japan or
tour a cute village in the Fiords for under $50AU (ISP / internet
connection required)
The tourism requirements are amply answered by the honoured designers -
a fresh clip of bullets here, a new body there and the Makron's your
uncle. The generosity of these designers know no bounds and gives one
the chance to experience first-hand driving an expensive vehicle into a
large brick wall to crush an opponent, find you have bent the chassis or
ripped the wheel totally from it's hub and then go get another and do
the same again - until you are bored with it and seek out a different
model or mode of transport.
Nowhere else on Earth do you get the opportunity to engage in this sort
of action without journalists trying to steal your glory or protesters
whining about the 'ecological damage'. I'm sure others who enjoy this
type of activity would like to see these concerned citizens on the
servers but mainly as targets, body-shields and score boosters,
otherwise it would just get it the way of the objectives.
Thank you, Splash Damage
Also the available variety of scenery and 'place'
leaves the Concorde for dead. Within minutes you have left the exotic
shores of Africa to wander the desolation of the Australian outback and
then perhaps cross a bridge in sunny California, a breath-taking
experience that can be totally stunning. A high speed boat ride, hiking
trails through leafy glades or taking control of sophisticated alien
flying vehicles are just some of the exciting activities on offer,
without police officers or national park rangers to tell you what you
can and can't do. Real officials do not laugh when cynically insulted
and then grenaded - We definitely do not endorse this behaviour on any
but the most liberal of servers unless the joke is really funny. In
reality, it matters not how funny the joke is - you will be put in the
pokie, period.
Our journeys have many avenues of diversion, from leaping on unsuspecting
enemies from great heights to calling an air strike on your own team, the
adventures are a great departure from the shit that we in the west call
'living' these days.
And
after a day's trudge through perceived duty to raging glory, the meal
you eat will be prepared by someone who you can trust and someone who
really loves you - your wife, your mum or yourself or even that blonde
guy at the takeaway pizza shop. Definitely not some kid that saw 'Fight
Club', who in all probability could be the leader of an east coast
Australian clan anyway...
Next time - The 'Blues Train', underneath the Westgate bridge, getting
drunk with a cop and we hunt the best scones and cream in the high
country
Uncanny, unsound and unwanted,
'The Wandering Eye'...
signing off... | 
