|
STOP PRESS
PRINTER DIES.
PrintHead cartridge to
blame.
After several transplant attempts, Zorro's
Printer, a Canon S200se, died on the operating table. Despite all
efforts, the machine rejected all available components and failed to
respond to treatment, leaving the technicians dissappointed and grim.
"Looks like we'll have to get new one..." said one, "Tragic" said
another. "Will they never listen?..." asked a third."How much
they cost?" asked another.
TECHNICIAN ACCUSED
OF Being filthy pig
Over the last few months, many comments regarding the
sloppy nature of computer component storage have surfaced and the team
have been feeling a little low. After a harsh talking to, our team
members agreed they are very naughty and promise to clean up after
themselves more often. "The United Association for More Table Space"
admin have been advised and agreed a small fund-raising
raffle could be arranged if dumb technicians left their expensive, ugly
and precariously balanced bits... "all over the place". Even though
an unnamed person, named 'Craig',
has been allegedly "unfairly blamed", no-one wants to talk to him much anyway. "It
wasn't me!" alleged the cunning liar when confronted, then ran off,
walking...
Mamma Mia
Quaking in our boots
Newbie Death-dealer Carole hits system difficulties (Boo!) as she
smashes her way through level 4 of Quake. (Yay!).
"I keep killing the monsters and then lying
sideways with no controls!" she says, and the team knows just how
she feels.
"Television is shit these days, ya know" she tells guest
reporter. Pictorial evidence on page 18 |
New MOTHERBOARD
NOT ENOUGH.
DEXTER:
RELAUNCH POSTPONED FOR NOW
A failed transplant has left the
team with a new deadline after a major component refused to work. A new
CPU will be procurred by the ordinance and finance committees in the
near future. Some components have been enlisted in duty on other
machines during the hiatus and will be refitted on the re-commencement
of the "Dexter" project. |
More POWER for
Internet Listress after mysterious donation.
Things weren't looking good
for the future surfing capabilities of our own MistressFiz, Notorious
Australian Listmistress representing forums on Red Hot Chili Peppers, Marilyn Manson,
Henry Rollins; fashion consultant to Nick Cave and lately, unpaid
publicist for Tommy Lee of Motley Crue, until a undisclosed
benifactor gave her a 80g HDD to open up the horizons of her computer.
Now fully able to fit her Listress duties and her studies on the same
platform, she's finally free to research who the hell it was that was
seen with Dave Neverro and Carmen Elactra at....
SPOILt CHILDREN FOILED
MONITOR THIS, KIDS
A generous and thankful 'previous advice' recipient, mother of
two, donates a shitfully expensive CRT Monitor against her spoilt
children's wishes. The team fell on the floor laughing. Bratty kids. The monitor is
good and bright but due to the children's bad handling, has a few loose
connections. One of the children was quoted as saying, "Gee DvD
copyrights are hard to crack!"
Unfortunately, the plug is so damaged,
some people accidentally plug it in backwards. The children must have
used a bit of muscle to fray the metal collar so badly. Tyler, the
P4-1600mHz and
the team would like to thank the undisclosed lady, Ta.
Ex WAaaF TESTS
NEW TECHNOLOGY
"I keep getting that blue BIOS screen, darling" she
told us by phone. Story continues... page 6
Dirt Fever hits TeenageLand
Australia's own "TeenageLand" has a long-awaited
fourth
album, "Dirt Fever". It may be hitting the stands. It may just
end up in the tip. If you burn it onto a CD, you can destroy it or
throw it away yourself, your call.
Abandoning their 'Playstation only' rule, the sarcastic trio play the
middle-class post-modern down-home blues of the mildly dissaffected...
Rave Review... page 994 of the weekly "FarOUT"
Entertainment Guide supplement. Free on Thursday |
|
DONOR DRIVE
REPORTS IN
 ......
Two more
machines to good homes.
"it's amazing..." says friend
A self-confirmed Grand Theft Auto
addict has spent a day away from the bay and transferred his drives to a
machine twice as hot as before. Art graduate Gary Greener-wig, after challenging
everyone in his Art class with his cerebral "Shaved Gerbil; visions of life as seen by
a Video Gaming Addict ", was using a 833mHz IBM Veriton with a Geforce4
MMX (value) video card and enduring so much annoying framelag, that...
"it's amazing he could do whatever the hell it was he was doing at the
time" an amazed friend was once heard to exclaim quietly during a
late-night coffee conversation. Another friend confided, " He may give up
gaming altogether or worse, start up another bloody rock band!". The
team was brought in.
wrong side of a highway
After a quick review,
a transplant was deigned necessary, and in the light of "The 'Bill
Price'
Factor", a half -prepared Intel Pentium4 1620mHz shell was quickly
donated to the cause. Onlookers acknowledged disbelief at the ease of
the transplant and the smoothness of the transition. After testing, his
thankful smile was a warm testament to the team's effort as he was
delivered home safely by angel A Lightning transport assoc, a sister
service to the team. Follow up attempts have been hard pressed to
contact Gary but he has been seen driving at up to 96 frames per second
in a stolen school bus on the wrong side of a highway somewhere by the
bay.
recycling and escaping
Later, the cast off Intel 833mHz
shell left disbanded and left in the middle of the floor GARY, was
donated to Waylon Fates, a local free-lance ex-technician, dedicated to
recycling and escaping from 'Butcher Bay', unfortunately, at that time,
using a sis 450mHz. We are enthusiastic in anticipation of an easy
transition.
|
.
.
